Realization

Hello, and welcome to my blog. Chelsea here. That's not my name... at least, not currently. Someday, it will be. Someday...

So, why is my name not Chelsea? My birth name is actually Shawn. I won't give other details away, I don't need people coming to meet me. Those who know who I am are the only ones who need to.

Anyway, my birth name is who I have been for 20 some years. But that's not who I am. I'm Chelsea. I realized it about 2 weeks ago. FULLY realized. In high school, I would try on my mom's clothing after school. I lived in constant fear of being caught. But I never was.

When college came around, I stopped for a time, since I lived in a dorm with a roommate. I dated a bit, and met my wife in college. I struggled a little longer while dating her, but eventually I "grew out of it."

Fast forward, and we got married 2 years ago. We moved into an apartment shortly before that, and have a house for a year now. We also welcomed a baby 2 and a half months ago.

While in the apartment and house, I dressed while my wife was at work. It kept me happy, but I still didn't feel complete. I lived a happy life, and told no one about my secret. I tried figuring out what was wrong with me, and long story short, I stumbled upon a video of someone's transition from male to female. When I watched it, I broke down and cried. It was what I wanted.

I wish I'd figured it out years ago, before I brought my wife and child into this mess. But, I now know who I am, and what I have to do. I can no longer repress this part of me. I must be myself. I know not everyone I tell will be accepting, and I'm ready for that.

I'll be starting therapy soon. Maybe this week, maybe the second week of July. Once I'm ready, probably September, I'll have to come out. To my parents, to my friends, and most importantly, to my wife... I'm prepared for the worst, hoping for the best. Either way, my life is going to change.

I have some support. I know who's there for me. I just hope when I come out fully, some people will stick by me. I know whose support I want. We'll see what happens... First, to therapy.