So, my wife has been struggling a little with whether or not she wants to stay still. I don't blame her, it's a very difficult decision to make. I asked her yesterday if she'd be able to make the decision before we tried for another kid, which she said yes to.
She went off to work yesterday afternoon, and I was home with our son. I struggled to get him to bed before she got home, and all efforts were in vain as he was still awake when she got home at 10:15, not long before I had to leave for work.
I made my lunch quickly and rushed up to say goodbye to them. My wife was playing with my son (who was now wide awake because he'd seen Mommy). I walked over to them and kissed them both goodbye. And my wife said, "come on [my son], she has to go to work." I stopped in my tracks. It was the first time my wife had ever referred to me as female. I looked at her and knew I had a small smile forming. "Really," I asked. She smiled and nodded. Had I been on HRT, I probably would have broken down and cried right there. I almost cried, I was so happy. She was staying!!!
Today was even better. We went to the mall this morning, and I held the first door opened for her, saying "go ahead sweetie." She went in and opened the second door, and said "after you, wife." My heart was beating so fast, I was so happy. Despite me obviously being a man, she referred to me as her wife, and in front of a stranger who happened to be walking through the other doors. I was so touched. She even was telling my son that "Maddy" had to do this, or "go to Maddy."
I know you're going to read this hunny. Thank you so much! I love you so very, very much.

Not ready, not yet

So, my wife was on Skype yesterday with my in-laws. I was walking around the house doing some cleaning, as my in-laws and I are currently not talking (not my choice). One time I walked past my wife and saw my mother-in-law on the screen, and the feeling hit.
I realized, when I saw her, that I'm not ready to talk to them yet. Now, they're the ones who are currently "not speaking" to me, but I hadn't realized until just last night that the feelings of betrayal inside of me were so strong. While I "betrayed" them by coming out, they're betrayal with me is worse, since I was "family" before all of this.
I guess I need to work on these feelings before I talk to them, whenever that is.