In-laws

You know, it's funny the things you find out about yourself when someone who loves you, someone who considers you family, suddenly turns hostile on you. Recently, my wife: dear, loving and faithful, despite my impending transition, had it out with her mom, and finally last night with her dad.
First, I have reconsidered my chosen name. I've decided on Korgalash Con Bligorph. Yes, you read right. Considering I'm not human, I decided on something more appropriate. If you don't believe me, just ask my father-in-law. As quoted, he cannot accept "he, she, it..." Real nice for someone who used to consider me his son. Now, in all realism, that would've changed anyway, but I'm not even sure I'm on the family tree anymore. My father-in-law (FIL) had no opinion, but my mother-in-law (MIL) insists I'm still family. However...
When my wife had it out with my MIL, it was brought up that they should have been there for me, since I'm going through a hard time. (Granted, so were they, and while I understand their reaction, them talking to me would have been nice.) My wife brought up the fact that my in-laws always taught her "family comes first," at which my MIL countered with "there are exceptions." Well, now we can teach our children values, but make exceptions to the rule when it's convenient. Really goes along with the whole "do as I say, not as I do" rule. Are there exceptions to that too?
Next, of course, is the fact that I'm an embarrassment to the family (said by my FIL, which I suppose means I'm still part of it.) My wife is also considered an embarrassment, for staying with me. Real nice, right? Now, does that, in turn, make our 5 month old son an embarrassment as well, considering he was born to us? Probably. Of course, that would be the exception, until of course he begins to express how he loves both his mommy and his maddy. Then he'll just be an embarrassment for loving the embarrassments.
On top of being an embarrassment, my oh-so-closed-minded (and apparently ignorant) FIL told my wife that no one from her family will want to see her or us anymore because of me. I bring this point up because, before he talked to my wife (over a month and a half ago) we got calls from some of her family expressing support. Obviously, my FIL things everyone he's related to is just as closed minded as they are.
My FIL also brought up the oh so ignorant view much of America has: by staying together with my transition, we're going to ruin our son. Ah yes, oh so many children are ruined by transgendered parents and same sex couples. I mean, there are so many more children out there who are better off than our son will be: children with abusive parents, those with divorcing, arguing parents, those whose fathers left them because they didn't love them, children who live on the street, those who are neglected because they have six siblings, all of whom were born to get money from the government, and last but not least, those who never knew their father at all.
Now, to that last point, of single mothers, here's an argument which makes absolutely no sense, and I hope you see it before I have to spell it out. I was criticized (as was expected) for lying throughout our relationship, getting married (which I will bring up again in the next paragraph), etc. Of course, of all the terrible stuff I could do, I also brought a child into the world, no less, I "brought a boy into this." Now, I hope you see my point which makes my FIL's argument completely void, as to the extent that if my wife and I divorced, she would be a single mom. So... spelling it out, which is worse? A boy raised by two women, or raised by a single mom? Take your pick.
Getting to our marriage, it was also thrown in my wife's face about how her father is still paying for our wedding... ... K? And? ... OH! You mean like it was a waste? Um.... wait, now I'm lost. Did you want us to get divorced or not? Because, and maybe I'm not looking at it with the "that little SOB is doing something I don't agree with" glasses, but my wife and I are still married, so technically the wedding was not a waste. If we get divorced, THEN it would be a waste of money.
Speaking of weddings, words seem to get mixed up when people are angry at someone. Bring forward the witnesses: angry MIL, wife, transgender goofball that caused all this. Witness one, is it true that you were invited to the wedding of a friend of witness two and three? Yes. Ok. Now, when witness three came out as transgender, were you still going to the wedding? Yes. Witness three, were you going to the wedding after you came out? No, I didn't think it would be a good idea to create drama while we were there. I opted out of going. Witness two, what was your opinion of this? I didn't think it was fair of witness three to miss our friends' wedding, and I told witness one that. But witness three still wasn't going. Witness one, what happened after that? We decided not to go if he was going, so we said no to the wedding.... Uh... Your honor, a recess please? The prosecution is confused.
So, with everything going on, my father and I theorized one day that me coming out was just the big target my in-laws were waiting for. That, despite how they acted around me, they really didn't mean the things they said (we love you, you're like a son to us, you're family now, etc.). Well, theory proved!
Both my MIL and FIL were heard saying that "it's not fair to us that you moved all the way out to Pennsylvania" (MIL) and "----- gets everything he wants. He got you to move out there with him" (FIL). Oh yes, apparently, as predicted, EVERYTHING started when my wife and I got job offers and she moved out here to live with my parents and I. And now, it's no longer fair because my parents "get [my wife] and [our son] all to themselves, and my in-laws only get them part time." Well, my in-laws have come up here to PA maybe 5 times in the 4 years my wife has lived with me. So, maybe if they'd made some effort, like they do every weekend in order to get to New York to go to their camper, maybe they would see their grandson more often. But now, of course, I have to leave my house if they want to come visit, because they are (giggle, snort, laugh). Sorry, it's funny. They're convinced that they will never have to see me again for the rest of their lives. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, it makes me laugh. I can take being out of my house for a day. You know, I could spend time with my real friends and family, maybe do some trans things, whatever. BUT, I'd have to be dead to miss my son's graduation, or his wedding, or sporting events, the birth of a grandchild, etc. etc. etc. So you know what, get the F--- over it, learn to act civil, or just accept that you will never see your grandson or daughter again.
Oh yeah, glad I said that, because that reminded me of something. So, apparently, in addition to the statement by my FIL in the above paragraph, there was more. And I quote: "----- gets everything he wants. He got you to move out there with him, his parents get you, he gets to have you, and he gets [our son]. He's just making a wedge between you and your family, and we're the ones that suffer for it." SCREEEEEEEEECH. Brake check! Whoa, what did that son b---- say? Wedge between...? Oh no he didn't.
Yes, apparently I'm controlling. ... ... Nothing? Oh, right, you don't know me. Well, even though you don't know me as a person, doesn't it say something that I was prepared to lose my family in order to transition? Yeah, I'm controlling. Ask any of my friends, and 1 of them might tell you I'm controlling (in which case I'd have bash him, because he's clearly talking about the wrong person.) My wife's decision to stay with me had nothing to do with me "controlling" her. Far from it. Even though it hurt to say, I told her to do whatever she felt she needed to do. If she needed to leave me in order to live the rest of her life, I was ready to accept it as a consequence. So you know what Daddio (he'd kill me if he heard me say that), take off your stupid "my son-in-law, or it, is a controlling little nimrod" glasses and get the you know what over it.
Oh, and then there's the lies. Like the fact that my wife and I lied during the entirety of our camping trip with them about everything being ok. Yeah, you can have that one. But, what about your lie about going to see a therapist? Yeah, my MIL let my wife have it one day. Conveniently, they were arguing over the phone, and my wife told my MIL that they should go see a therapist to help cope with everything. "That's where we're f---ing going tonight [my wife]." Convenient, right? Well, guess what? That was bull. They didn't go. They even admitted it later in the week. And I'm pretty sure that they're not talking to this transwoman who is at their campground either. Yep, they said they met a transwoman up where their camper is. I think if they were ACTUALLY talking to her, they would have talked to me by now.
Which is another thing. First, apparently things would be different if I had talked to them about my feelings and been open with them while we were at the campground. ... Yeah, right. You're telling me honestly you wouldn't have thrown me out of the campground and disowned me right there? I don't believe it. And, of course, I get in trouble for "not calling to apologize for everything." I see.... I'm supposed to call someone who threatened to "rip my throat out" if he came up to PA? Oh, but according to my MIL, my FIL didn't mean that. It was a figure of speech... That's a new one I haven't heard.

looking up

Well, things have been getting better lately. My wife and I have been struggling to take things day by day, but just the other day we read an article recommended to me by my mom. It was about a famous singer who transitioned, and her wife stayed with her. It was comforting to my wife, because she saw that someone else had done it and their marriage survived. Now, we're pretty happy, and we are relaxed at least about my transition.
I'm taking things slowly still. I'm still dressing, but still when my wife is out of the house. She knows about it, but it still makes her a little uncomfortable seeing it. However, she is getting better, as I had complained to her how I couldn't wear my bra out in public under my clothes because it showed. She recommended that I get a sports bra to wear in public. It was very nice of her to help me out. She's also looking at getting a bunch of purses and bags through some deal, and she told me she'll give me a few.
I took a step towards learning some new things, and emailed a hair salon recommended to me by another trans woman. Even though my transition won't start until 2015, I wanted to see if I could get sort of a neutral haircut, or maybe something cute/girly that I can do myself and get rid of easily when I go to work.
A lot of people know now what's going on. Most of my close friends know, and I haven't found any of them who don't support me. Some of my wife's family supports me/us. I still haven't talked to my in-laws for a month and a half now. While I understand how they feel, I still think they are being very immature about things. I wrote them a letter, and of course my wife got yelled at for it because it arrived on my father-in-law's birthday (as if I planned it that way...., seriously?). They'll eventually have to face the music, especially if they're planning on seeing their second grandchild when he/she is born (some time off though... wife isn't pregnant yet).
That's about all I have for now. Let's hope things stay looking up.