Ideas

So, I got to do some thinking last night while at work. First off, I'm going to do weekly sessions with my therapist, because I'm somewhat impatient to get on hormones, and because it'll help me out with my next point.

My second point: why am I waiting to tell everyone? Yesterday, I told my mom I was in therapy. Could I have told her why? Probably. It would have been that easy. In fact, again, I could tell everyone. I'm just dreading telling my wife. But, to my point. Why am I waiting? Two of our friends have weddings coming up, and I was planning on telling my wife after the second one. Why? Would I look like less of a jerk (thinking from their point of view, not mine). So I wait until after the wedding? It just delays everyone from that wedding (of which we only know a few people anyway) from finding out until later. The downside is that my wife is a bridesmaid in the second wedding. So, I don't know. I'll be asking my therapist that next session.

I just want to have gone to enough sessions so I can look my wife in the eye and say "hey, listen, I'm transgender, and a therapist has diagnosed it, and we've talked about a lot." To tell her after only one session, I think she'd just say "sure you are," and be done with it. I just sort of wish it was August 23rd, so I could get this over with.

On the other side of things. I'm wearing my new outfit for the day (at home... for now). First off, I ten times over apologize to all the women I've said things about over the years for having their crack out. I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND NOW!! The way these companies make jeans hug against your hips, you don't have much choice. Second, pockets? Wtf? 4 pockets on a pair a jeans, and none of them are remotely big enough to fit a cell phone, or keys, or even money. Now, I was told that that's why we buy handbags and purses, but still... I can fit my phone in one front pocket, my car keys in another, and my house keys/ reward tab thingys into another. My wallet (which will obviously be obsolete eventually) will not fit into a pocket. So, yeah, fun. LOL. I have a lot to learn.

Finally, on a last note, I'm still struggling to figure out a scenario where my wife is ok with everything, and we work things out. Unfortunately for her, my only compromise is I won't have bottom surgery. I will be going on hormones, and eventually be female full time.... We'll just have to see. Please, please please, days go by faster....

MOOD: good