No no no, that's not what you think it means. I did not divorce and get remarried in less than a week.
No, it's me! I'm the new wife! Sort of.
My wife and I had a discussion over the weekend, and a good one finally. No yelling, some tears, and a lot of questions answered that we were both not wanting to ask.
But we came to middle ground. That means we get to stay married, and I get to be Chelsea. It's not all the time of course, but it's enough for me. She asked me not to go on hormones and fully transition, but is allowing me to be Chelsea, well... Not whenever I feel like it, because that would defeat the purpose of me not transitioning. Mostly, just being Chelsea whenever it isn't a risk to our lives, and some other times I need to be male too.
Like, obviously I can't go to the DMV as Chelsea, the picture wouldn't match. Work is off limits too, duh. As per my family, AND hers, we're going to take our time. My friends are very supportive, but family is a different story. I still have to tell my family, but we're waiting until after my son's first birthday. It might seem sort of selfish, but it's more for him than us. And I don't think people want to be at his party looking at me and having questions swim through their heads.
But, back on topic. I'm allowed to go out in public as Chelsea. I can go a lot of places as Chelsea. Eventually, I'll be going to my family as Chelsea. And, my wife doesn't care about this next one. Eventually, I'll go to her family as Chelsea. It's gotta start slow, but we'll get there.
I'm very excited too, because I have my first girls' day coming up. One of my close female friends is having me, Chelsea, over for lunch, and then we're going to go shopping. Sigh. It's nice to finally be one of the girls.
So yes, my wife is, by certain viewpoint, married to two people. But, it's the best of both worlds. She gets a husband who is there for her, to hold her and be strong for her, and a wife, who can really relate to her. And me, I get to keep my family and be myself. What a deal. Couldn't have asked for a better one.
It sounds like you're taking some good steps, But honestly it sounds like your wife is just trying to delay your transition as much as possible, Most likely she's hoping sooner or later you'll give up on the idea.
ReplyDeleteI know first hand how it works because my wife tried the same thing. She would put thoughts in my head about how people will see me and all the hurt i could have and the impacted it could make on our lives, All good points and understandable but it's not about that, It's about living as yourself, being free. She finally seen things my way once i told her i can't live anymore knowing people see me as a man, and all that worrying we did was for nothing. Yes i have had some hurt along the way and yes i lost some friends and family, But our family stayed strong and has grown happier.
The thing i am trying to tell you is, Don't limit who you are, because sooner or later you'll start getting more depressed when you need to be "him" and just like with built up anger you'll POP!
Meet up
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